TL;DR;
In this article, I discuss how our minds tend to focus on negative experiences, also known as negativity bias, and how it can affect our decision-making and overall happiness.
The good news is that we can rewire our brains to focus on the positive side by savoring the moments that make us happy and appreciating the present.
By doing so, we can store positive experiences in our long-term memory and feel as though those happy moments lasted longer. It takes effort, but it’s worth it because good moments are a powerful defence against the hardships of life.
Do you ever find yourself hesitating to start something because you’re afraid of failing, even if the possibility of success is greater? You’re not alone. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a tendency to remember bad experiences more vividly than good ones, which makes me feel like failure is much more impactful than success.
But after doing some research, I’ve learned that this is a common cognitive bias called negativity bias.
In this article, I’ll share what I’ve learned and some
techniques to rewire our way of thinking about negative experiences.
Negativity Bias
Our minds are wired to focus more on the negative aspects of any experience. If something has even a slight potential for negativity, our minds send out an alert signal to keep us away. This is a cognitive bias known as negativity bias.
Negativity bias is when we pay more attention to negative information than positive information, which can make negative events or information seem more important than positive ones of the same significance. [1] [2] [3].
It’s easy to forget the nice things that happen to us daily – the moments that make us happy but are often forgotten afterward. Conversely, negative experiences tend to stick with us. Going on a trip with our family can be a lot of fun and allow us to visit new places.
However, it is also possible to have a negative experience, such as a car breaking down or a big fight with fellow travelers. Unfortunately, when we remember this trip, the first thing that often comes to mind is the problem that occurred. This is based on my personal experience.
Moreover, it is interesting to note that currently, the most popular news categories are related to natural disasters or terrorist attacks [4].
Loss aversion: We are more sensitive to failure than to success.
When making decisions, we often prioritize minimizing failure over maximizing success. This means that we usually choose the option with the lowest risk. This concept is known as Loss Aversion, which was proposed by Nobel laureate and author of “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” Daniel Kahneman.
Kahneman and his colleagues discovered that respondents were more likely to choose option B, which offered 450 Israeli pounds for sure, over option A, which presented a 50% chance to win 1,000 Israeli pounds and a 50% chance to win nothing. This was the case despite the fact that option A had a higher expected value (500) [5].
We tend to remember negative memories more vividly and for a longer period of time
My memory is not great, but I still vividly remember a fight I had with my friend in first grade. I recall how I felt when his mother came to school and scolded me in front of everyone.
Negative memories tend to be remembered longer than positive ones because they are associated with high-stress situations. The brain stores these memories longer than neutral memories [6]. This appears to be an evolutionary defense mechanism that assists us in remembering highly stressful situations to avoid them in the future. [7]
Negative ideas tend to stick with us
Not only are we more sensitive to bad experiences, but we also tend to fixate more on them.
Ledgerwood and colleagues conducted an experiment that showed how people’s minds can get stuck on negative events. [7] A single experimental operation was described to two groups of people. It was successful 70% of the time.
It was told to the first group that the operation had a 70% success rate and they liked it, while the second group was told the operation had a 30% failure rate. This group didn’t approve of the operations. Even when they were presented with the other side of the story and told that the operation had a 70% success rate, they still didn’t change their minds. On the contrary, the first group changed their opinion when they were informed that the operation fails 30 percent of the time.
Despite any potential benefits, they did not favor the operation after hearing this information.
So, can we think in another way?
It seems that we focus too much on avoiding failures and letting them overshadow our successes. This unnecessarily complicates the decision-making process and often prevents us from trying out new things.
This became a significant problem for me when I couldn’t get an appointment by phone from a public hospital in Germany. I was too afraid of making mistakes because I only knew a few German phrases. Additionally, my memories tend to focus on negative experiences, even though I have had many wonderful experiences in my life.
Our brains default to looking for negatives. To change this behavior, we need to rewire our way of thinking. I learned about this concept, called “rewirement,” from the Science of Well-being course on Coursera [8].
As the name suggests, changing our way of thinking requires effort and time. However, there is a powerful technique called Savoring that can assist us in this process
Savoring
There are many great experiences that happen to us in everyday life. They can be as small as finding a good deal at your local shop or receiving positive feedback from your boss, or as big as landing your dream job. However, because our minds tend to fixate on negative experiences, we often forget about positive ones.
If we could find a way to prolong this positive feeling and make it last longer, we could not only increase our overall happiness but also change the way we approach new experiences.
Savoring is the skill that helps us accomplish this. Savoring means truly enjoying
and appreciating the present moment.
What does Savoring do?
Savoring can help to store positive experiences in long-term memory by linking an experience to a strong emotion. [11]
By savoring the moment in hindsight, we can feel like it lasted longer than it actually did [12]. Therefore, your memory is more involved with this experience.
How can we do that?
The next time you have a good experience, take a moment to appreciate it. I’ve
come across an interesting technique that involves two main steps:
Step 1 – Enrich the Experience
To enrich your experience, describe in detail how you are feeling in the moment. What led up to this experience, and how will it affect you later on? [9]
One very effective technique is to write down your thoughts. By doing this, you will not only be able to explain your experiences better, but you can also read your writing in the future whenever you feel depressed.
Life is a mix of good and bad events. Focusing on positive events and recalling how you felt during those times can have a great impact on your mood.
One way to do this is to write down the positive feelings you experienced. You can read them later when you need a mood boost. [10]
Step 2 – Eliminate a Bad memory by Emphasizing the Good
Experience
Imagine you want to start a conversation with a total stranger, maybe the person sitting next to you on a train. At first, you may feel hesitant and due to your negativity bias, your brain may logically predict that you will fail and the person will respond negatively.
As you always try to avoid failure, you may not even want to start the conversation in the first place. However, this time, you approached the situation differently. You thought, “Let’s give it a try. Maybe it will work this time.” To your surprise, after starting the conversation, you realized that the person was very open, and you had a nice conversation. This contradicted your initial prediction and challenged your brain.
Now is your chance to rewire your brain and link this positive experience with starting a conversation. Tell yourself that starting a conversation with a stranger could lead to an interesting interaction, and you may even make a new friend or discover a business opportunity.
The next time you start a conversation, you won’t be as hesitant as before. By doing this a few times, you can completely rewire your brain to think positively and look for opportunities to talk with new people. This can help you learn new things and feel better afterward.
Where to start?
To start savoring more in your life, start with small steps and gradually expand to other areas. Don’t try to do too much at once. A suggestion that worked for me was to write a few sentences each day about a good experience I had. After doing this consistently for about 40 days, it became a habit and my brain got used to it.
Changing your way of thinking to focus on the bright side takes effort, but it is worth it. This positive mindset can boost your happiness and help you make the most of every moment.
As you get older, the negativity bias usually fades away. When you realize that time is limited, you begin to appreciate your moments more.
It’s better to think like this earlier because we really don’t know how much time we have left. Especially considering that good moments are not going to last forever, it is important to recognize that they are our very powerful defense against the hardships of life.
As Imam Ali (PBUH) says:
When the day of joy is in your possession, do not distance yourself from it; for when you find yourself in the hands of a sorrowful day, it will not overlook you.
Sources
[1] Nikolopoulou, K. (2021, May 31) https://www.scribbr.com/research-
bias/negativity-bias/
[2] Wikipedia contributors. (2021, June 25). Negativity bias. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negativity_bias
[3] Cherry, K. (2021, May 31). What is the negativity bias? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618
[4] TEDx Talks. (2017, June 19). Savoring: A practice to lead a happy life ahead | Dr. Reena Khandelwal | TEDxIIMRanchi. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch=jpuDyGgIeh0&ab_channel=TEDxTalks
[5] Wikipedia contributors. (2021, June 25). Loss aversion. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loss_aversion
[6] Science ABC. (2021, June 24). Why do bad memories last longer? Science ABC. https://www.scienceabc.com/humans/why-do-bad-memories-last-longer.html
[7] Your brain is wired for negative thoughts. Here’s how to change it | Fig. 1 by the University of California. (2018, September 7). YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch=3ThUrVXz9j0&ab_channel=Fig.1byUniversityofCalifornia
[8] The Science of Well-being course on Coursera. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being
[9] Calmsage. (2021, May 17). Savoring: A practice to lead a happy life ahead. https://www.calmsage.com/savouring-a-practice-to-lead-a-happy-life-ahead/
[10] TEDx Talks. (2017, June 19). Savoring: A practice to lead a happy life ahead |Dr. Reena Khandelwal | TEDxIIM Ranchi. [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v
=jpuDyGgIeh0&ab_channel=TEDxTalks
[11] Psychologist World. Emotions and Memory: How do your emotions affect your ability to remember information and recall past memories
.https://www.psychologistworld.com/emotion/emotion-memory-psychology
[12] TED. (2018, March 27). What’s a delightful way to get more time out of the day? Savoring. [Video]. YouTube. https://ideas.ted.com/whats-a-delightful-way-to-get-more-time-out-of-the-day-savoring/